That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
