That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
