I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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