What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
