just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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