Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
