Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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