Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
