we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
