i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
