All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
