the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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