y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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