Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
