Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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