in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
