Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
