margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
