I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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