Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
