dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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