party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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