Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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