"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
