Kiss
Puke
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
