i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
