im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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