Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
