im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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