I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
