You smell like a Billy Joel song
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
