How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
