Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
