my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
