Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
