So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
