The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
