Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
