it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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