i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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