I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
