It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
