how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
