Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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