Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
