yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
