So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
