ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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