you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
