I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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