Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
