the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cut my penus on the lid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
