ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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