is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My feet surprised me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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